Kids are so much smarter these days

By Nathaniel Woodward

Being the father to a few little kids can be a real kick in the pants. That’s about it, I really don’t need to write anything else but formatting concerns dictate that I add about another 490 words to support that claim and for once I don’t think that will be a struggle.
I know its cliche to say but kids these days are so much smarter than people my age are, bluntly I blame television and iPads. Seriously, hear me out.
When I was a kid the only honest educational programming were either the occasional after-school specials or Sesame Street with the latter focusing more on spelling than lasting life lessons. These days the only programming my kids watch that aren’t chalk full of complex moral and ethical lessons are on HULU and Netflix which just so happen to be the shows from my youth! When I was 6 years old I was busy watching He-Man and Thundercats while my kids are learning about social justice of conversational Spanish in their shows, to this day I still shout “I have the POWER!” every time I pick up a toy sword and hardly a week goes by where I don’t make some vague reference to Castle Grayskull. So same, same right?
Additionally, while these kids are way smarter than all of us they are getting a little soft thanks to their programming choices. Remember the first Land Before Time flick? I still need to hit up a Shrink to work out some issues that movie gave me. How about “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” Let me tell you, rewatching that gem as an adult has been an experience to say the least. From some pretty clever hidden innuendo that went way over my head as a wide-eyed youth to some downright terrifying deaths I’m convinced that if I let my kids watch it I’d be up for nights to come soothing terrified and scarred children. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather have some kids who scare a little easy when the trade off is the super-compassionate and intelligent homo sapiens living under my roof who are capable of understanding the complexities of our world culture.
I have a business trip to China coming up early next year and I’m being tutored by my first-grader on customs and language so I don’t make a complete fool of myself, something that I would not have been able to do for my parents at her age. And who’s to thank for these breed of super-intelligent tiny humans? Television. Thanks technology, I’m now the fourth smartest person in my household.