The age of conversation

The conversations and discussions we have with other people during our lifetime change a great deal as we get older.
    When we are small and a discussion ensues on the floor of a bedroom where we are playing with toys we are concerned with who has what toy, what toy we are going to get for Christmas and all the fun things we can do with it.
As teenagers our conversations took place at the neighborhood burger joint where over a Coke and some fries we discussed the most important aspects of life, that being girls, cars, girls, sports, girls, motorcycles, music and well… girls.
    As a young to middle aged adult we sat in a bar drinking beer or some kind of cocktail and we talked about business, family and how we were going to invest our money so we could retire when we reached age 50.
    Now if I sit down with a bunch of guys for coffee somewhere, and it is not a business meeting of some type, we all talk about our health, or more to the point the problems we have concerning it. It gets to the point that I talk more to my friends about my health or their health than any of us do with our doctors. Think about it. Often the first thing my doctors ask me when they walk into a room at their office is “How’s the family?” or “What have you been doing lately?”  My friends’ first words uttered when they see me are “Hows that bad knee?” or “What was your blood pressure reading last night?”
    It’s similar to the change I have made in reading the newspaper. When I was young the first section I turned to was the sports, so I could see if my favorite teams won. Now it is the obituaries, to see what funeral I will need to go to this week.
    Of course the conversation changes when people of other ages are included in a discussion. I remember being in my 30s and sitting with guys much older than I was and they started talking about their health and I was sympathetic, but my empathy was not too great because I had not walked in their shoes. I am sure my eyes glazed over, just like I see the peepers of what the younger crowd does when they sit with a bunch of us old guys when we start talking about our aches and pains today.
    That kind of experience when I was younger did teach me lessons, though. When I am with a bunch of younger guys I try never to talk about my health unless they ask me about it. I don’t want to be the downer or bore them to death. Worse however (for them) is when they do ask and then they offer some such piece of information to be part of the conversation and to convince me that they understand. For instance they may mention they just checked their blood pressure on one of those machines at the local pharmacy it it was 180 over 90. However it is a mistake for them to do that. I have a hard time holding back the fact that I think they should have it checked out. I have stifled myself often when I wanted to say something because I know what their reaction will be. They are invulnerable.
    Getting into those old person kinds of conversations isn’t always my fault however. My sons always express their worry when we are doing something together about whether I can handle the experience or not, especially something that requires physical strength or endurance. “Are you okay dad?” they will ask. Being the grouch that I am, sometimes I think that question is about my state of mind (a whole another side of my of health) but more often it couches the subject of “Is this too physical a experience for you dad?” in less obvious words.  Of course they would never come right out and say that or I would bite their head off with “I’ll tell you if I can’t (make it, do it, handle it) etc.”
    That expressive sentence would probably also include some expletives too, just so they got my point.
    Every age has its own trials. When you get into your 60s and feel good health wise you have to wonder what all the fuss about old people not being able to do things comes from. But have one or two sick days, or an injury, and you begin to realize that what knocked to your knees when you were 20 completely puts you on your proverbial butt when you are 65. It becomes apparent why your family and friends are concerned. You really have to be careful about what you tell people about you have done or how you feel.
Healthy or crazy?
    Want an example? A couple of months ago I went on a six mile hike with a 50 pound  pack and my dog out in the San Rafael Swell. Most of the weight I carried had to do with photography equipment I wanted to use for a special purpose, so it was unusual I would carry that much on a day hike.
    The next day I was sitting in a meeting and told some people about it. About half of them gasped and asked if I was crazy doing such a thing at my age. The other half said something to the effect “Good for you.” The half that was worried about what I did was a different age group from the one that thought it was great.
    You guess which group was which.
    One time right after I had coffee with some older guys I made a mental list of all the ailments that we had as a group and had discussed. Together we could have filled the whole wing of an orthopedic hospital. There were bad hips, bad knees, bad elbows, bad shoulders and certainly plenty of bad backs. But not one of those guys would stop doing things they love just because it hurt a little more when they were done than it did when they were younger. They may have done it a little slower, and with more care, but they still did what they loved.
    What many younger people fail to take into account is that while people my age and older will gripe about the pains they have, that doesn’t mean they still don’t have the desire to do a lot of things.
We all reach an age where we can’t do certain kinds of activities. I used to play a lot of basketball and loved it. However when I reached about 45 and would play a pickup game my knees would swell up and I couldn’t walk for three days.
There comes a time
    The trade off wasn’t worth it any longer. There comes a time when you can’t do certain things, and you have to realize it. Of course I never really could play basketball, I just thought I could.
Your age changes not only your conversations, but also what is behind those conversations.
    At my age what we do ask and talk about in terms of subject matter with others our age, has become more abstract than material. Toys, motorcycles, and how much money we are trying to make through our business has taken a back seat to feelings, mental fulfillment and a state of being. It is still self centered babbling, but I think it is progress because it is based on experiences we have had.