The Wasatch Behind: the week before Christmas

By Sun Advocate

Jolly old Saint Nicholas,
Lend your ear this way,
Don’t you tell the IRS,
What I’ve spent today.
Christmas eve is coming soon,
Tell me if you can,
The ACLU is quiet this year,
What could be their plan?
The lights are strung, the turkey bought,
The presents boxed and wrapped,
I’m sure we could have lots more fun,
If not financially strapped.
The bills come due in a week or two,
And then we’ll know the cost,
My bonus better get here soon,
Or everything is lost.
We’ve got a big old Christmas tree,
Standing in the hall,
It takes a hundred bucks a week,
To light it up at all.
We’ll hang our stockings Christmas night,
But socks are way too small,
The stuff we want would never fit,
In a moving van at all.
Johnny wants a fishing boat,
Susie needs a car,
Sammy wants a set of drums,
So he can be a star.
Billy wants an ATV,
Nellie needs a tutor,
Roscoe wants a motorbike,
Ann a motor scooter,
Ricky wants a horse to ride,
Sally thinks that’s funny,
Momma wants a new Corvette,
And I’m not made of money.
I owe my soul to Master Card,
The bank still owns my house,
We’re in debt to our eyeballs,
And I haven’t told my spouse.
So tell me, dear old Santa Claus,
When will it ever stop?
We’ve shopped and spent and written checks,
‘Till we’re about to drop.
Christmas better get here quick,
And don’t play hide and seek,
My blood pressure and my checkbook,
Can’t take another week.