The Wasatch Behind: Madame Vice President?

By Sun Advocate

“Did you see who John McCain picked to be his vice presidential candidate?” Uncle Spud asked from behind his morning newspaper.
“Did I ever,” I answered. “That’s all that’s been on TV for over a week.”
“It’s funny,” he said. “We expected there would be a woman in this presidential race, but everyone thought it would be Hillary.”
“Yea,” I said. “The Democrats might be sorry they didn’t pick Hillary for their vice presidential slot. Joe Biden doesn’t have the same charm. Like McCain, he’s one of the good old boys who’s been in congress since the last ice age and one of the guys who helped us get into this energy crisis.”
“The Democrats should have put Hillary at the top of their ticket,” Spud mused. “That Irish guy, O’Bama, should have been her running mate.”
“Well, there’s nothing they can do about it now,” I offered. “It’s Obama and Biden against McCain and the babe.”
“The babe?”
“That’s what Rush Limbaugh called her. He meant it as a term of endearment.”
“So what does she bring to the table?”
“She checkmates Obama,” I smiled. “In this race we have two old faces and two new faces. No one is going to vote for Biden or McCain. We’ve been trying to get rid of those guys for years. People are going to vote for the new faces. This whole contest comes down to a selection between Obama and Palin.”
“But he’s running for president and she’s only running for vice president.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “They’re both a breath of fresh air and something radically different from anything we’ve been offered in the past. They each represent a hopeful new beginning.”
“But nobody knows Sarah Palin yet,” Spud insisted. “Her closet might be full of skeletons and her past full of deep dark secrets.”
“Not to worry,” I chided him. “The National Enquirer, US Magazine and CNN are all working overtime to get into her dirty laundry basket. I’m sure we’ll all know the cut and color of her undies in just another week or two.”
“But is she qualified to be president?” Spud asked anxiously. “If elected she’ll be only a slip on a banana peel away from the top job in the whole world.”
“Compared to George Washington and Abe Lincoln she’s probably got a few things to learn,” I answered. But compared to Barak Obama, her qualifications are impressive.”
“What are her qualifications?”
“She served as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, and she’s currently the governor of the largest state in the union.”
“Does being a governor qualify her to be president?”
“Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter seemed to do okay.”
“So where does she stand on the issues?” Spud asked.
“She wants us to be energy independent,” I said. “ANWR is in her backyard and we have her permission to drill there. The caribou won’t miss the oil. Caribou don’t know what to do with oil anyway.”
“Where does she stand on social issues?” he asked. “Does she believe in a woman’s right to choose?”
“You bet she does,” I smiled. “She believes a woman has a right to choose to be a mother and a wife as well as a governor or a vice president. And she believes a woman has a right to choose to keep and love all of her babies, even those that might not be perfect in every way.”
“I’ve heard that her teenage daughter is pregnant.”
“Nights are long in Alaska,” I reminded him. “What do you do on a date in the great frozen north when it gets dark by four o’clock? And besides, this might be the first shotgun wedding ever held in the Whitehouse. And guess who’ll be holding the shotgun. Governor Palin is a lifetime member of the NRA.”
“I can’t wait to see the vice presidential candidates debate,” Spud said. “Do you think she can hold her own against a wise old fox like Joe Biden?”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “That woman hunts moose. She can shoot, gut, skin, drag, chew the hide and be back in high heels and lipstick in an hour and a half. Biden had better bone up on his debating skills or he’ll be moose stew for sure.”