The Wasatch Behind: What do you really think?

By Sun Advocate

We live in a polite society. Too often we don’t say what we think or what we would really like to say. Have you ever been in situations where you wanted to say some of the following things?
•I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of crap.
•I’m out of my mind. Please leave a message.
•How about never. Is never good for you?
•You have a right to remain silent, so please shut up.
•I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
•Take a big dose of Valium and call me in the morning.
•Oh, I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.
•Thank you, we’ve been entertained by your unique point of view.
•The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re a genius.
•Any connection between your reality and mine is pure coincidence.
•What do I look like, flypaper for weirdoes?
•I understand your concern, and find it amusing.
•I’m not rude. Your opinion just doesn’t matter.
•Humility is one of my many virtues.
•If I throw a stick will you go jump in the lake?
•The doctor said your heart is fine. You need a body transplant.
•Nice perfume. Did you marinate in it?
•How do I set this laser pointer to stun?
•You look very nice today. I didn’t recognize you.
•That does sound reasonable. It must be time for my medication.
•At least I have a positive attitude about my bad mood.
•Welcome to hell. Here’s your accordion.
•I’ll have to think twice about that before I give it a second thought.
•I see you’re schizophrenic. That makes four of us.
•I’ve said it a thousand times; never repeat yourself.
•Please shake hands with my Tazer.
•Would you like to trade our relationship for what’s behind door number one?
•Yours is a thankless job? You give yourself too much credit.
•We’ve got enough youth. Where’s the Fountain of Smart?
•Call faking: “Beep, beep, I’m sorry but I have another call coming in.”
•Your kid being an honor student doesn’t rescue you from being an idiot.
•I’m really mad about how my anger management class is going.
•He meanders to a different drummer.
•Me a skeptic? You better have proof.
•Her mind is like a steel trap; rusty and illegal in 37 states.
•I think your reality check bounced.
•It could always be worse. Be happy wrinkles don’t hurt.
•I wish someone would steal your identity so you could be someone else.
•I understand that your tendency to be a jerk is in remission?
•I only do what the voices in my boss’s head tell me to do.